Dear Birth Mother,

Dear Birth Mother,

Every time I start to think about what I should write to you, the page seems to grow more blank and I freeze up. I usually have no trouble conveying what's on my mind or heart- but there was a mountain standing between you and me that I was not sure how to begin climbing. It is trite to say, " I can't imagine how you feel," because I really truly and genuinely can't. Why God has designed this house for my soul in such a way, I might not ever know. For weeks I resisted writing to you, and it's time I sit myself down and figure out what this mountain between you and I is built of, and maybe through the letter itself, some pieces will break away.

One of the most frustrating parts of the adoption process is being at the mercy of strangers. I am relying on God to work through people I have never met, who know very little about my heart to bring to me something I'm not sure I even have the right to ask for. Who am I to ask another woman for her child? Just like I can only imagine being pregnant, I can only imagine how strange it must feel to have me ask you to bless me with your baby. A baby knitted together inside your body, that you worried and prayed and cried over, that you now must experience surreal pain to bring into this world. And now you are making wonderfully complicated and frightening choices. Do you choose to parent, or trust God to lead you to someone else to? Who is good enough for your baby?

If I were in your shoes, the answer would be "no one" and it would be shot straight from my heart and off my lips without a thought. This would be a very hard mountain for me to learn to look over. I want to tell you a little about us, so we might not seem like such strangers. Let me tell you about my husband, Curt first and what kind of daddy he is going to be. Then, let me tell you about who I am as a pre-adoptive mother, and let me tell you about gifts that have been given to my husband and I that have paved the way for me to be where I am today, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

My name is Mary Elizabeth Ivey, and I am married to Curtis Patrick Ivey. If there are princes really upon this earth, I married one. He is a gentle giant, with an incredibly strong heart. He has a unique relationship with God, and His son, and has the truest desire to be a daddy. I promise you, love, that he is a protector and is fiercely dedicated to the family we have now. My husband would sacrifice anything to keep harm far from our home and those within it. Your baby would sleep safe in his strong arms, and the baby would ride high on solid shoulders through parks and in the zoos so the baby could see everything- even the shyer more small animals behind fences. Curt would stand outside all day waiting for the baby's favorite animal to come out, no matter how long it took. Your baby would sit in amazing seats at Cardinals games with a baseball mitt, and if a ball came anywhere close to us, Curt would make sure that baby caught the ball- and would then make sure the camera crew put it on the big screen for all of St. Louis to see. Your baby will sit on a loving lap dunking Oreos in milk or sharing a piece of strawberry shortcake in the evenings with an adoring daddy who will read the bed time stories that we have already started saving. Curt will be the dad that makes Christmas so magical- he will somehow manage to have footsteps on our roof top every Christmas eve just to see the delight and excitement sparkle in little eyes. Then, he will stay awake until morning building the train set, or bicycle or doll house that will be waiting under the tree when the baby wakes up. Your baby will be a welcome face at so many football, wrestling, and track events watching and "helping" daddy coach the big kids. Your baby's voice will be one that is etched into his heart and mind instantly and one that he will always be listening for. Curt has been nurtured by so many wonderful male role models ready to support him and he is as ready as a potential dad could ever be to adore a baby.

What kind of momma will I be? There are a few images that play over and over in my mind when I think about having a baby to love. I want to sit in a sweet nursery next to an open window with white curtains in a rocking chair that has a little creak to it and rock a warm little body to sleep while singing lullabies that I've been saving up in my heart for so long. I want to bring lunch to sweaty little faces playing all day in a beautiful tree house (or super tough fort, whatever). I want to fuss over things like wearing jackets when it starts getting little colder and sniffly noses. I want to be that mom who takes 4, 000 pictures on the first day of kindergarten and cries hysterically when I have to drop them off. I want to comfort over splinters, skinned knees, and hopefully not very many disappointments. I want to take the baby to the pumpkin patch I went to as a little girl and all through growing up and taken their picture next to Halloween displays that say, "Please don't sit on the display", just like my dad did 25 years ago. I want to take the baby to the hundreds of people who already love him or her and have been praying for them for so long, and say, "Here...here is our baby!" I want the loving and antiquated hands of my grandfather to bless the baby in church, just as he blessed all of us- my sister, mother, and so many cousins. I don't know a stronger word than promise- if there is one, understand me, please, I more than promise that this child will be the joy of our hearts and the jewel of our home.

How have we arrived at adoption? God designed my body, so I hesitate to call it "broken", although I have in the past, but my body is unable to carry a baby for any length of time. I have a genetic blood condition that just won't allow it, not even with painful injections for months. We met a loving and genuine couple who have adopted through Bethany and we knew after we talked with them for the first time, that this was the direction we were to go. After prayer, and the gift of peace, we hit the ground running. It astounds me that He took a tragedy and something that could have destroyed my faith and hurt our marriage into such an amazing and interesting story. I feel that we are being CHOSEN to adopt- this is not a consolation price for us- we WANT this! Soon, I will tell you some of the most amazing testimonies that prove to us daily that this is the plan, and this is the path. We choose to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts, and lean not on our own understanding. We know that He will direct our paths and yours too.

You are brave, and giving beyond description. You remember that, regardless of whom you choose, or who might say differently. You have been chosen to deliver an unimaginably amazing gift to another family. God must be so proud of you!