Not Like Silver

"I have refined you, but not like silver. I have tested you in the furnace of suffering." -Isaiah 48:10
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Today we took a dip into that furnace of suffering, but we chose not to linger there.
March 27 marked "Day 1" that we became fully available to adopt a baby. Everything that Curt and I could possibly control or influence was done. We knew we couldn’t become parents during the paperwork stage, or the home study months, but now…now we’re in. I don’t know how else to relate it to a natural parent but saying, pretend you’re finally pregnant, but you have no idea when your due date is. Even then it doesn’t really compute. Ok-try this: Imagine Christmas morning and everything that comes with it. Now, pretend you can’t know when Christmas is…just that it’s coming. Ugh- that still doesn’t even come close.

I emailed my principals and let them know that from here on out, we could be matched on any day. That the most time we would have is three months (because Bethany doesn’t start matching until the 3^rd trimester) and the least amount of time we would have is however long it takes to reach the birthplace from Branson. The uncertainty itself was an unexpected high and we checked our email several times an hour. And, on day one, we got our first “situation”.

Side note: “Situations” are BABIES!

March 27-When Bethany has a birth mom who is in the appropriate place in her counseling and decision making journey, they email all of the waiting families in her pool to see if they are open to that situation. Adoptive parents have a certain amount of hours to decide if they are interested. In this case, the situation was a baby girl due in early June. Birth mom had prenatal care from the beginning, no drugs, alcohol or tobacco were used and both biological parents were on board with making an adoption plan. We had 5 hours to decide whether or not we wanted to move forward. It took us 5 seconds to decide to jump in. This was round one. It was happening!

March 28- Round two…(ding, ding, ding) The adoptive families saying they were interested get more information. We learned the first names of the bio-parents, their ages, and why they were choosing not to parent. We learned a little about their interests and hobbies, and of any medical conditions that may affect the baby. We had 4 hours to decide whether or not we wanted to move forward. Yes, keep us in.
Rounds 3, 4 and 5 are a series of whittling down who is still in the pool by the biological parents. Rounds 3 and 4 involve profiles and the Shutterfly books that the adoptive parents have made and Round 5 has one winner…an adoptive momma and daddy. Here is where we play “hurry up and wait.”

March 29- No news

April 02- (1 week in) We get email from our caseworker saying the birth mother has not yet ruled anyone out. No news is good news! As long as we don’t hear from them, we’re still in!

Let’s start narrowing down our girl names just in case. And should we get the nursery bedding? June is soon.
April 11- (2+ weeks in) We get another email from our caseworker saying that there is no news, and the birth mom was missing her adoption counseling appointments. RED FLAG. Honestly, at this point I’m thinking “Seriously?! I could look through the short profiles (and we can on Bethany’s website) and know within a few minutes who I at least did NOT want…!” Frustration started gnawing at this awesome faith and patience we were so proud of.

April 17- (3 weeks in) another email from our caseworker saying that the birthmom missed another appointment, and no progress had been made on this situation. Having never been through anything like this before, we had no reference point, which was maddening. “Are we doing this right?! Are we waiting “correctly”? How patient is patient? What more can we be doing?!” And all of these loaded questions came with loaded answers, all centered on the same thing: Just keep waiting. There is nothing you can do.

April 23- (1 month in) I received an email from our caseworker today. While I waited for it to load through Bethany’s email portal, there was a definite pit in my stomach and I was short of breath. I said over and over again in my mind, “ please let it just be about another baby, please let there be another baby.” (For these “rounds” where the birth mom is choosing, you get messages via text or email when you’re out, and a phone call when you’re in. So this message could be our exit from this June baby girl or information about another situation.

Please be another baby, please be another baby.

Dear Curt and Mary,
Dear Waiting Families -
I am writing to report that __________ has decided to place her baby with a family friend. If anything changes in her circumstances we will certainly let you know. We appreciate all of you being open to _______ and her baby.

Please let us know if you have any questions.

We were out. We all were. Every other family in our pool was back on the bench, jerseys off, begging the coach of all coaches for another chance to play in the game. Disappointment punched me in the stomach and pulled tears out in skinny rivers that had nowhere else to go but on my desk at school. We’re out.

I texted and emailed the people who are in our “need to know” circle: the almost grandparents and aunts, a few friends who have walked with us from the beginning, my bosses, some prayer warriors from church, and our precious mentor, Laura Baker. (I’m searching for a human sized spatula for her to use when she lovingly scrapes me off the ceiling…bless her heart…what a trooper.)
Love and encouragement came immediately and calmed my heart from all over. I remembered words from a song based on a scripture, He gives and takes away…but my heart will choose to say, blessed be His name.

I didn’t like the burning of the furnace, the singeing of my heart, the burning tears, and the flushed, crumpled face- so I got out of it. I remembered to, a poem that hung in my mother’s bedroom while growing up, it said, “After awhile you learn… that when disappointments come, meet them with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child.”

So…grace of a woman + choosing to bless His name= no wallowing (or very limited wallowing, for those who are still learning).

So here I sit. Students are gone, husbands at a track meet, and I’m blogging- getting this story out hoping to end up on an even plane where I’m not simply tolerating God’s will but embracing it, and loving every twist and turn along the way.

And He reminded me of His special purposes for me (Jeremiah 29:11), His plans to give me a HOPE and a future. He reminds me again; through a fleeting disappointment that Curt and I are not like silver…not at all.